


let's be human (while we still remember how)

by monsterleadmehome



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Awkwardness, Canon Compliant, F/M, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Force Visions, Loss of Virginity, Post-TLJ, but not till chapter 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 11:17:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15795405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monsterleadmehome/pseuds/monsterleadmehome
Summary: We are breezes chasing after windTwo unjoined pieces searching for a way to fitSleepers waking in the half light up till nowLet's be human while we still remember howKylo Ren has defected to the Resistance and will only speak to Rey of Jakku, much to General Poe Dameron's chagrin. Can Rey get the information from him that she needs for to turn the tide of the war? And what is she supposed to do with all these feelings that Ben Solo has stirred in her soul?My submission for The Writing Den's Crylo Boot Camp weekend.





	1. two unjoined pieces

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dalzo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dalzo/gifts).



> This is my submission for Day 1: Angst of Crylo Boot Camp! Much love to my fellow Crylos and Sprinters!
> 
> Based on the prompt: Okay, so an angsty reunion between Kylo and Rey, Canonverse. Like, a fic where Ben defects but is put in chains Bc, you know, the resistance doesn't trust him AND SOME SAD ASS LOVE CONFESSIONS.
> 
> I hope this works for you, Dalzo!
> 
> Title taken from the Brooke Fraser song, "[Human](https://genius.com/Brooke-fraser-human-lyrics)." Chapter 2 will be posted for Day 2: Fluff and that's where we'll earn the E rating.

The rain pours down in sheets, drenching the landscape and filtering everything through a metallic soft light. Rey gathers her shawl closer and shivers; she hates this planet. They’ve been holed up here for the past several weeks. Instead of establishing a permanent base, the Resistance has become nomads, picking up and switching planets before the First Order can catch their scent. It has worked out well so far. That is, till a certain Supreme Leader showed up on their doorstep. He claims he wants to turn himself in. 

 

She watches from the tree line as General Dameron escorts the prisoner, Kylo Ren, into the makeshift base with a squad of soldiers. He is bound at the hands and feet with Force-dampening manacles. It’s fancy new tech bought with Lando Calrissian’s money. Even without full access to the Force, Ben is a formidable foe. He turns his head, sensing her there and his eyes are full of longing. Rey gasps, feeling his inner torment from where she stands. It’s too much, and she has to avert her eyes.

 

They had only just started talking again. She had kept him locked out of the bond for as long as possible. Until one night she had a ghastly nightmare and in her moment of peril, let her mental shields come crashing down.

 

_ Rey thrashed wildly in her sleep, sweat beading on her forehead and causing wisps of hair to cling to her face. She was being chased, then she was drowning. No, she was falling through endless space. And no one cared. No one gave a damn. She was all alone. Just like she’d always been and always would be. She woke with a start, or a scream, and began wailing. It was horrible. She was suffocating. And then- then she was fine. She was safe. A pair of sturdy arms wrapped around her, and she leaned against an impossibly firm chest. She knew it was Ben without ever having to see him, and he held her close, whispering reassurances to her until she fell back asleep. When she had awoken again, he was gone. But his lingering scent told her it hadn’t been part of her dream. _

 

After that, they started to see each other again. But only for small bits of time; never enough for them to be compromised. It had almost become friendly. Almost. Yet, Rey didn’t think he’d be here now, defecting to the Resistance. She had to know why.

 

* * *

 

“I need to see the prisoner.”

 

“General Dameron has explicitly said that he is to have no visitors.”

 

_ Okay, so that isn’t working. _ She closes her eyes, and when they open again, her tone is completely changed. “I must speak with the prisoner.”

 

“You must speak with the prisoner,” the guard intones.

 

“You will leave us alone for ten minutes.”

 

“I will leave you alone for ten minutes.” He walks off down the corridor.

 

Steeling herself, Rey strides with her head held high into detention block. There’s really only one cell here, and she is a bit surprised to only contend with one guard until she rounds the corner and sees why: ysalamiri. Two of them, in cages on either side of the cell. Where did they get those? She didn’t need to ask.  _ Lando. _

 

Even without the Force, it’s like Ben is innately attuned to her. He looks up before she even comes into view and fixes her with an intense stare. “Rey.” Her name leaves his lips like a prayer, equal parts regret and hope. It sends her stomach into knots.

 

“Ben,” she replies, because what else can she say? The ysalamiri are a strange feeling. An emptiness, a void. She hates it. Part of her wants to go in there and release him from his chains, drag him back to her quarters maybe. Another part, a much saner part, wants to slap the bantha shit out of him. “Why are you here?”

 

He stands and shuffles to the bars. “You know why.”

 

Her head begins to move back and forth. “No, no I don’t.” Even though she does. But it’s a stupid reason to give yourself over to the enemy. To risk what is most likely the end of the road for him. 

 

He leans forward and looks deep into her eyes, much like he had before when they were connected across light years. “Yes, you do.”

 

It isn’t until she leaves the cell block that she realizes she has been crying.

 

* * *

 

Pushing the hot cereal around in her bowl, Rey watches Finn and Rose out of the corner of her eye. They are talking in hushed tones over empty bowls, sipping their caf. Rey always inhales her breakfast, but today she isn’t very hungry. So it is with a mixture of relief and annoyance that she accepts Poe - correction, General Dameron - when he storms over to their table and bangs his fist down onto its surface. “He’ll only talk to you.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Kylo Ren. He says he has a lot of information to give us, but he will only talk to ‘Rey of Jakku.’”

 

“Is that how he said it?”

 

Poe quirks an eyebrow at her. “Why does that matter?”

 

Shrugging it off, she says, “It doesn’t. I was just curious.”

 

“Well, you have unfettered access to the prisoner, so try to milk him for all he’s worth.”

 

Rey nearly spits out her caf.  _ Odd choice of words, General. _ “Okay. I will.” 

 

She goes back to her room before she makes her way down to his cell again. She absolutely does not stop by the ‘fresher to wash her face and fix her hair. Maybe she does, but if she does, it’s only because she must put on a professional air for questioning the prisoner.  _ Keep telling yourself that, child. _ Sometimes her inner voice sounds like Maz. She waves her hand in the air as if to shoo it away.

 

Ben stands with his back towards her when she enters. His manacles are gone. They are still separated by the cell bars, still suffocated by the ysalamiri. The chill that runs down her spine can be chalked up to the loss of the Force, or so she explains it away. “Did he tell you what they did with my lightsaber?”

 

“No. I assume it’s locked up somewhere.”

 

Slowly, he turns around to face her. They let him keep his clothing, which is probably for the best. She might faint if she saw him in anything but black. “Can you find out? I want you to have it.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

He nearly sighs. “You know-”

 

Rey cuts him off with a yell. “Stop saying ‘I know why!’ I very obviously don’t, or I wouldn’t ask.”

 

The soft scuffling of Ben’s shoes against the duracrete is nearly pitiful. “Search your feelings, Rey.”

 

She closes her eyes. To a Jedi or a Sith, or whatever she and Ben were, a lightsaber is not just a weapon. To wield another’s lightsaber is a huge deal. It’s the ultimate expression of trust. It is deeply intimate. When her lids flutter open, she realizes she has drifted right up to the bars and her gaze is met with his. His honey brown eyes are so intense she wants to look away, but she can’t. “I don’t understand, Ben. You said I was nothing.” Her eyes fill with tears again. “You said I have no place in your story, that I’m  _ nothing _ !”

 

She turns on her heel and runs out of there, missing his whispered, “But not to me.”

 

* * *

 

The incessant buzzing of her chrono is enough to throw Rey into a fit of rage. She did not sleep well, between the crying and the hollow ache in her chest. Denial has been a great companion to her in years past, but it makes a lousy bedfellow these days. The longer she tries to deny what her connection to Ben really means, the worse she feels. She picks herself up, dusts herself off, and resolves to have a better conversation with him today.

 

“Do you think you can get some flimsi or paper and a writing utensil?” Ben’s eyes were wide and hopeful today. It was slightly unnerving.

 

“Why? Wouldn’t a datapad be easier?”

 

“Oh, I just didn’t think they’d let me have one. I am not very good with words, as you well know. I thought if I could write down what I wanted to say, maybe I could get my point across better.”

 

“Oh.”

 

He offers her a wan smile and it’s so unexpected that she can’t help but return it. “Yeah.”

 

“I’ll see what I can do.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

* * *

 

“Well, you’ll never believe this, but look what I found.” Rey is smiling as she comes to Ben’s cell and hands him a calligraphy set through the durasteel bars.

 

“Where did you-”

 

“Your mother. She saved it. All these years, Ben.”

 

“Why hasn’t she come to see me?”

 

“She’s been off planet, but I’m sure she’ll come as soon as she gets back.”

 

He nods. She swears his eyes are glistening as he fingers the delicate pens and says, “Thank you.” He sets the items down on his cot as he sits and cradles his head in his hands. “You don’t have to placate me. I know she gave up on me long ago, just like everyone else.”

 

“She hasn’t! I swear it.”

 

“It’s fine, Rey. I know what I am.”

 

“You’re not a monster. I don’t believe that, not anymore.”

 

He looks up at her. “Then why didn’t you join me?”

 

“Because that’s not what I wanted! Burn the galaxy down?”

 

“That’s not what I offered!” His voice is raised, and it’s making something well up inside her.

 

“I can’t do this right now.” She storms of to the sound of him screaming. It’s not anger that she hears in his voice, though. It is pain.

 

* * *

 

There’s no harsh Jakku sun on this planet, yet Rey still keeps up with her arm wraps out of habit. She doesn’t need the extra support or protection for scavenging, but she’s become accustomed to the feeling. It is routine and cathartic to wrap the bands of fabric over her arms each morning and unwrap them each night. Once she is ready, she goes straight to see Ben, skipping breakfast today. Because he is trapped by the ysalamiri, she cannot feel him through the bond. When she leaves him each time and the Force blissfully returns, flowing through her veins again, she still feels an aching emptiness that she realizes is the absence of his presence. So today, Ben Solo is more important than food. 

 

And that’s when it finally hits her: she must love him. For years, she’s prioritized her own needs above all. She had to, in order to survive. Fight off someone to get this part which is worth this many portions so she can eat for another day, repeat. Then when she found friends, she risked much to help them, but always still in her mind was the thought,  _ Make sure you feed yourself, keep aware of your surroundings, duck and cover, fight if need be _ . Rey has always put Rey first. So when she lays aside one of her most basic needs to see how Ben is doing, it crashes over her like a tidal wave.  _ I’m in love with Ben Solo. _

 

The tears are prickling at her eyes already as she is let into the detention block and walks the lonely hall to his cell. His breakfast lays untouched on the small table, but he is sitting at it, writing away with the calligraphy set she had brought him the day before. His hair falls in front of his face and she wishes she could brush it out of the way. The muscles in his arms and shoulders tense as he keeps scribbling at the page, aware of her but in need of finishing his thoughts. She lets her eyes roam over his figure appreciatively.

 

“You think loudly.” It’s the first thing she can think of to say, and it just slips out.

 

Ben finishes his letter, signs it, folds the page, and looks up at her. “Really? Because it’s actually a lot quieter in my head these days.”

 

She winces, knowing he’s talking about Snoke and the years of torment that monster heaped on the his mind. “I’m sorry.”

 

“No,  _ I’m _ sorry.” He rises from the chair and brings her two letters. “This one is for your General. It details everything I know about the First Order. Strongholds, trade routes, allies. Everything I could think of I put in there.”

 

She nods and takes the letter, tucking it away immediately. 

 

Before she can say anything, though, he sticks another folded piece of paper through the cell bars. “And this one is for you. Please read it in private.” He rakes his hand through his hair and sits down on the cot.

 

“Ben, I wanted to tell you something.”

 

There is such pain in his eyes when he looks at her that it shatters her heart in two. “I don’t think we should talk until after you’ve read the letter, Rey. Then you can decide if you still want to talk to me.”

 

Nodding, she pads away wordlessly. She doesn’t want to increase his suffering. She heads straight for the war room where she knows General Dameron will be. “Here.” Rey hands him the letter with the First Order information. “It’s everything he knows about their operation.”

 

Poe takes the letter. It’s thick, several pages long, and he eyes it appraisingly. “Who uses paper anymore?”

 

“Ben Solo does.” She doesn’t wait for his reply, stomping out of the room. She stops by the mess hall and grabs a couple cold flatcakes, cramming them into her mouth on her way back to her quarters. 

 

* * *

 

Rey lets out the breath she doesn’t realize that she’s been holding. She has been sitting on her bed for nearly fifteen minutes just staring at the unopened letter. Now that she realizes how she feels, she isn’t sure what it will say or how much it will hurt. Finally, she takes the plunge and unfolds the page. His handwriting is beautiful, and she takes a moment to let her fingers wander over his perfectly scripted Aurebesh before actually reading it.

 

_ Dear Rey, _

 

_ I am bad with words. My mouth sometimes works at a faster rate than my brain, and I say things in the heat of the moment that are not what I truly mean. What I meant by saying that you have no place in the story was really that you are free. You are not under the weight of a thousand legacies. You do not bear the names of numerous galactic heroes. You were not born for greatness, Rey. And because of this, I envy you. Because in spite of coming from nothing, you are everything. You fought for yourself. You survived on your own. No one told you who to be. You are just you: my beautiful, incredibly powerful, desert goddess. The Force flows through you the same as it does me, yet you have no important shoes to fill, no one’s reputation to uphold but your own. If you don’t understand by now, it is only my own fault for being so terrible at telling you what I really want to say. _

 

_ When I asked you to rule with me, my judgement was clouded. I thought we could build something new from the ashes, together. I wanted you as my empress, my queen. But you do not desire power or glory. This is why I have handed myself over. It turns out the galaxy was never mine to rule, and power means nothing without you by my side. I knew if I wrote it down, it would be easier to make my thoughts coherent for you. You are not nothing, Rey of Jakku. You are my everything. There is one last thing I need to say, but I would very much like to say it to your face. So if you still want anything to do with me after reading this, please come to me. You know where I am. _

 

_ Yours Eternally, _

_ Ben Solo _

  
  


She clutches the letter to her chest and cries freely, letting the sobs wrack her body. He loves her. That’s why he defected, why he wants her to have his lightsaber, why he has risked his life just by coming here. She reads the letter again and again, committing his words to memory. Then she steps into the ‘fresher to clean herself off. Her cheeks can’t be all red and blotchy when she sees him again.

 

* * *

 

He is sitting in the center of his cot when she returns, his long legs folded criss-cross style. She has never seen Ben Solo meditate, and doubts he can do much without access to the Force. Still, he looks more peaceful than she has ever seen him and the urge to touch him wells up within her. It is a feeling stronger than she’s used to, and it becomes insatiable rather quickly. “Ben,” she says softly, not wanting to disturb him but needing his attention.

 

“Rey? You read my letter?”

 

“I did.”

 

“And?” He looks wary and guarded. It makes her chest constrict.

 

“Please come closer,” she pleads, sticking her hand through the durasteel bars.

 

He rises from his cot and makes his way to her, extending his fingers until they make contact. She sighs in relief, the feeling of his skin on hers a balm to her soul. When she looks up to meet his eyes, they are glistening. “I love you, Rey. I think I’ve loved you since the minute I saw you in the forest. I just didn’t know what it was. And I know my time is limited-”

 

“Don’t say that.” A tear rolls down her cheek. “Don’t you  _ dare _ say that. I won’t let them kill you.” She grabs his hand tightly, as best as she can through the bars. It is not enough.

 

“Respectfully, how much power do you think you have to stop it?” He smiles slightly. 

 

She eyes the panel to the right of his cell. “Honestly, I don’t know. But you’re not going anywhere on my watch.” She moves away from him and lift the panel cover up, exposing the components beneath. A quick rewiring and the cell door opens.

 

“Rey, what are you doing?”

 

She enters his cell. Cautiously, she reaches up and touches his scar, running her fingers down the length of it. “I love you, Ben. I tried to deny it for far too long. I was scared, but I’m not scared anymore.” She surges up on her toes and places the lightest kiss to his lips, her other hand braced on his chest.

 

He blinks as she lets herself come back down, feet firmly on the floor. Then his arm wraps around her waist tightly, drawing her to him. His other hand cups her face, thumbing her cheek before weaving his fingers into her hair as he leans down and covers her mouth with his own. It is more heated and urgent, his tongue coming out to part her lips and allow him entrance to taste her. A soft moan escapes her as he moves his mouth against hers, like they’ve done this a thousand times. They shuffle backwards to his cot and he collapses onto the edge, with Rey astride his lap now. 

 

She giggles and smooths the hair back from his face. He catches her lips again, nibbling on the bottom one. “Kriff, I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”

 

“Me too, I think.” She caresses the soft skin of his neck and finally brings her fingers to his hair. It is so soft. Then she is kissing him again. Involuntarily, she starts rocking her hips against him and his hands come to cup her backside. They are playing at the edges of something dangerous, but neither one of them can stop.

 

Suddenly a throat clearing stops their movements. “When I said you had unfettered access to the prisoner, this isn’t what I meant.”

 

Rey turns her head to see Poe standing in the open doorway of the cell. Her cheeks go red as she hops off Ben’s lap. “Uh, General… I want to say ‘I can explain,’ but that seems insufficient.”

 

Ever the protector, Ben stands up and say, “Rey was just-”

 

“Nope. Not a word from you, Ren. You’re not the one who rigged the security panel and let herself in to makeout with the prisoner.”

 

“Right.” He sits back down.

 

“Rey, I’d like a word in private.” Poe takes off and she dutifully follows, casting an apologetic glance back towards Ben who simply nods as one of the Resistance guards closes his cell.

 

They head back to Poe’s office and once the door is shut, he sits down, kicking up his feet and crossing them on the desk. “So you and Ben Solo, huh?”

 

“Just let me know what my punishment is.”

 

“Punish you? Why the hell would I punish you? Now I know the reason why he turned himself in. He’s in love with you.” He grabs a bottle out of the bottom drawer of the desk and two cups. “Have a seat, Rey.”

 

Begrudgingly she sits as he pours them each two fingers of Corellian whiskey. She sips the liquid and it burns going down, but the feeling is welcome after the fiasco that just occurred.

 

“The information he gave us in that letter is invaluable, but you know what else he confessed to? Killing Snoke. And he said you were in no way a party to what happened, even though the First Order has had a bounty on your head. Honestly, by this time tomorrow, the entire tide of the war may be turned our way and all because of your boyfriend.”

 

“He’s not my-”

 

“Whatever. My point is, I should be thanking you. Something you did worked. We’re going to move on the info and once it all shakes out, we can give him a fair trial.”

 

She nods. “I won’t let you execute him.”

 

He downs the rest of his whiskey. “That’s not really up to you, but at this point, I don’t think it’s going to be an option. He’s kind of saving our asses here.”

 

Rey downs her cup. “Thanks for the whiskey.”

 

Poe nods and dismisses her. Great, now all she has to do is wait to find out the fate of the man she loves. Good thing Rey knows all about waiting.

 


	2. searching for a way to fit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 2: Fluff!
> 
> Since last chapter was all from Rey's POV, this one is all Ben. And we earn our E rating here. You've been warned. ;)

Pardoned. The word has lost its meaning as Ben continues to recite it over and over in his head. He has been granted a full pardon. Never would he have thought when he turned himself in that this would be the outcome. He wanted to do right by Rey and show her how much he loved her. He didn’t think there was a chance he’d actually get to live past the information he provided. He really didn’t think much at all, to be honest.

 

It has been nearly a month since he has felt the Force. A month in this tiny cell as the Resistance acts on his intelligence and dismantles the First Order. He has no idea how the operation has been going, but he hopes Hux is dead. That ginger bastard always had it out for him. He runs both hands through his hair and paces around his cell. The visits from Rey have helped but after Dameron caught them making out, he’s made a guard escort her each time. He hasn’t been able to touch her since that day, and he’s going nearly insane from the lack of physical contact. Today’s the day, though. Their council has convened and decided to pardon him. Today he will be released. He doesn’t know what to do with himself.

 

He hears footsteps coming down the corridor and turns in time to see Rey bounding up to his cell. She punches in the code and the door opens. She motions to the accompanying guards and they take the ysalamiri away. In one fluid motion, Rey throws herself in his arms  _ and _ he feels the Force return to him. It is overwhelming, and he falls down onto the cot. She takes advantage of his acquired position and straddles him, peppering his face with kisses. Their bond has flared back to life and he can feel the joy rolling off of her in waves. She is elated, possessive, hungry. 

 

He thinks about telling her to get something to eat as she kisses his nose until he realizes it isn’t that kind of hunger. His eyes flicker open and he starts to laugh. A full, hearty laugh like he hasn’t experienced in years comes bubbling up out of him and he hugs her tightly. She begins to giggle, too. “I love you so much,” he murmurs into her hairline before kissing her temple.

 

“I know.” She fixes him with a wicked grin and stands, reaching out her hand. He can feel the love through their bond and knows that she is teasing. This is new territory for them. “Come, Ben.”

 

She leads him through the halls of their base, never letting go of his hand, ignoring the looks from anyone they pass. He can feel her protectiveness over him and it melts his heart. She’s ready to tear down anyone who dares to say a thing to them. They stop in front of a door and she punches in a code, the door sliding back to reveal her quarters. She pulls him inside and shuts it behind them. “Rey,” he starts.

 

“I asked if you could stay with me. I hope that’s okay, at least for now.”

 

“It’s more than okay.” His eyes wander over the small room and its meager furnishings, noticing that her bed is only marginally larger than the cot he had in his cell. “But uh - am I sleeping in the same bed as you? Because it looks rather small.”

 

She takes a step towards him and whispers, “We’ll just have to get really cozy.” Then she wraps her arms around his neck and they are kissing again. Ben thinks he’ll never tire of the act as they make their way to her bed. It is awkward as they try to sit down still entangled, and then he goes to lay her down but accidentally elbows her in the thigh. She shifts and her knee pops up into his groin.

 

“Oof!”

 

“Oh kriff. Ben, I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay.” He laughs now, hovering over her. He smooths the hair back from her face. “I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ve never done any of this before.”

 

Rey looks stricken for a moment. “You haven’t?” Then a smile blooms. “Me neither.”

 

“Then we can learn together. We can take it slow.”

 

She nods and reaches up to bring him back. Her tongue inside his mouth is insistent, curious, searching. She tastes somewhere on the edge of bitter and sweet, a perfect metaphor of their relationship thus far. He resolves to make everything going forward as sweet as possible. His hand drifts down her neck to her collarbone and then one of her breasts. It is just resting over her clothing but still he presses the question into her mind so he doesn’t have to stop kissing her,  _ Is this okay? _

 

He hears her response in his head,  _ Yes. Touch me everywhere.  _ He can also feel her arousal through the bond, and he is hard instantly. Instinct takes over and he starts to thrust against her as he mouths down her neck and suckles the dip between her neck and collarbone. “Ben,” she moans. The way she says his name like that makes him want to see how many more time he can get her to say it. Her hips buck up to meet his and  _ kriff _ , he’s not going to last long. Suddenly a knock at the door jars them both out of their lust-filled haze.

 

“Ben, are you in there?”

 

He groans. “You didn’t tell me my mother was back.”

 

Her wide eyes give it away. “I didn’t know!” She is breathless and her lips are a little swollen from kissing him. For almost a month he wanted nothing more than to see his mother. Now all he wants is alone time with Rey, and she shows up. Just his luck.

 

“Coming!” he yells.  _ Great choice of words. _

 

“I hope not!” He can her chuckle through the door. Good to know she hasn’t changed. 

 

He rises from his spot over Rey and tugs his tunic down, hoping his mother won’t be able to see his erection through his clothes. Rey shoots up as well and rushes over to answer the door. “General, what a pleasant surprise!”

 

“Good to see you too, Rey. Where’s my son?” She blows into the room. “Ben!” She rushes to give him a hug and he quickly bends down, jutting his rear out so he doesn’t accidentally scar them both for life.

 

“Mom.” He clings to her and before long, the tears start to fall.

 

* * *

 

His mother had been catching up with Uncle Lando, leaving most of the Resistance work to the newly promoted General Dameron, who seemed plenty capable. She was getting older and wanted to pass on most of the work to the next generation anyway. Now that the war was over, she discussed the future. She was going back to Chandrila, and she’d love it if he and Rey would join.

 

Ben thought it would take more convincing to get Rey to agree, but she did right away. She loves Leia and wants to see more of the galaxy. “Chandrila sounds like the perfect place to start,” she had said.

 

They took the Falcon. Chewie wanted to go home to Kashyyyk and gave his blessing. To Ben, it still felt weird being back on his dad’s old ship without, well… his dad. When they first boarded, Rey and his mom held him tight and let him cry for a good twenty minutes before they took off, Rey in the pilot’s seat. He looks at her now from his co-pilot chair. She is so beautiful when she concentrates. Maybe one day soon he will feel confident enough to be the pilot, but not today.  Leia is napping in the back, and they’ve been flying in companionable silence for awhile now. He watches his dad’s golden dice sway back and forth from their perch above and finally manages to crack a small smile, thinking about how he would play with them as a child.

 

“Credit for your thoughts?” He turns to see Rey watching him.

 

“Thinking about my dad again.”

 

“Good memories, I hope?”

 

“This time, yeah.” He reaches across and squeezes her hand. How did he get so lucky?

 

* * *

 

Watching Rey see things for the first time is giving him a new lease on life. Whereas he was always cynical and jaded, she takes nothing for granted. Everything is new and wonderful to her. His heart swells as she takes in the buildings, the gardens, the people. The apartment Leia has procured for them is beautiful, with a terrace overlooking a park. Rey is utterly enthralled, and he is bewitched by her. She has been out on the terrace for nearly ten minutes now while Ben has been unpacking their stuff. Honestly, there’s not much so it doesn’t take him long. Then he joins her outside.

 

“It’s beautiful.”

 

“Not as beautiful as you.” He slides his arms around her and kisses her neck.

 

“Mmm,” she hums. “Flattery will get you  _ everywhere _ .” She cranes her head around to kiss his mouth.

 

“You know, we don’t have dinner with my mother until tomorrow night. So what would you like to do tonight?”

 

“I want you to take me somewhere nice for dinner.” She shifts around in his arms so she is facing him, then she lowers her voice and says, “Then I want us to break in that big bed in there.”

 

“That can be arranged.” He lowers his lips to hers again.

 

While Rey gets cleaned up in the ‘fresher, he goes through the meager clothing options he has. He didn’t bring much when he defected, and he hasn’t had the chance to purchase anything new. His mother insisted he take what was left of Han’s old clothes of the Falcon “just in case.” He’s looking over this emergency wardrobe now and sees something he doesn’t remember his dad ever wearing. Navy dress pants, a long-sleeved gray shirt, and a navy jacket. It’s classier than he remembered his father’s style, and it also doesn’t scream ‘Supreme Leader.’ So he tries it on. He is turning back and forth in the mirror, trying to gauge if he looks okay when he hears a gasp behind him.

 

“Yes. Please wear that.” Rey is toweling off her hair. Clad only in her breast band and pants, she looks downright delectable.

 

“You like what you see?” His smirk even reminds him of his father and he thinks,  _ Oh no. Now I’m starting to act like him. _

 

She nods vigorously, crossing the room to kiss him. “You look great.” 

 

“It doesn’t bother you that it was my dad’s?”

 

“He never wore it around me. Ben, you look handsome.” Rey was the only woman besides his mother to ever call him that. He didn’t think she was just being nice when she said it, though. He could feel her desire for him through their bond and it was  _ everything _ .

 

“Okay then. I’ll wear this.”

 

* * *

 

Dinner is on a rooftop overlooking Hanna City. There are twinkling strings of lights hanging from trellises above them and a variety of plants and flowers everywhere. Rey hasn’t stopped gaping at it all since they arrived. The sunset paints the sky in brilliant hues of violet, magenta, and indigo. All Ben knows is he’s in love with the most beautiful woman in the galaxy. He offered to braid part of her hair, one on each side of her head and fastened together at the back. The rest of her hair hangs loose and the cool evening breeze catches a strand or two every so often. She is wearing a dress, and he doesn’t want to press his luck, but he hopes he can encourage her to wear them on occasion in the future. She looks utterly ravishing in the frock that is shades of taupe, beige, and sage. It’s gauzy, much like her overwraps and the thought occurs to him- “Did you make your dress?”

 

A blush creeps up her freckled cheeks. “Rose helped me before we left. Do you like it?”

 

“Very much. You’re gorgeous, Rey.” She reaches her hand across the table to hold his. He can feel uncertainty rising in her: her breasts are too small, arms too muscular.  _ No; you’re perfect. _ He pushes the thought into her head along with a vision of how he sees her. She needs to know.

 

Her hazel eyes widen as she sees what he sees. “Thank you,” she whispers.

 

When their food is brought out, Ben can scarcely eat for the joy of watching Rey consume a myriad of new cuisines. Each noise of appreciation she makes sends a thrill of delight through him. It isn’t long before she notices. “Why aren’t you eating?”

 

“Oh - uh, I will. I was just enjoying watching you eat.”

 

“Be-en,” she chastises, elongating his name for emphasis.

 

He grins once more and tucks in to his food. As they finish dessert, a live band starts playing in the corner of the rooftop. “Rey, do you know how to dance?”

 

“That is a complicated answer.”

 

He’s flustered by this response. “Why?”

 

“Uh- your uncle sort of showed me a little on Ahch-To.”

 

“He  _ what _ ?!”

 

“The Lanai were having a celebration and there was music… he showed me a few steps is all.”

 

“Get up. We’re dancing. I can’t have your only experience being Luke kriffing Skywalker.” He reaches out his hand, and she places hers there readily. He remembers a time not that long ago when she would’ve hesitated. He’s grateful for how things have changed.

 

They move onto the space that serves as the dancefloor, a few other couples already engaged in movement. Placing his hands on her hips, he directs her to hold hers on his shoulders, and they move. “Follow my lead.”

 

It is easy with Rey; they are so in tune with each other that it comes naturally. They glide across the floor with ease, the rest of the world falling away until it is just the two of them. Maybe it always has been. He pulls her tighter and she rests her head on his chest, slowing their rhythm to a few steps here and back. When she draws away to look up at him, he can see her eyes darken. “Take me home, Ben.”

 

* * *

 

The door has barely closed when Rey is on him, lips beseeching, a silent plea to give in. Her tongue explores his mouth, and he moans deep into her, his desire mounting. The bond makes it that much more intense, every spark and jolt of pleasure rippling across the Force and propelling them forward, like this was what they were always meant to do. She tugs his jacket off and it falls onto the couch as they stumble their way to the bedroom, kicking their shoes off as they go. He picks her up and nearly flings her onto the bed where she lands with a giggle. His shirt is over his head in one fluid motion, and he crawls toward her on the bed. 

 

She bites her lip watching him and it’s maybe the sexiest thing he’s ever seen. “I’ve been fantasizing about touching you since the first time I saw you without your shirt on.” She runs her hands up and down his chest, letting her fingernails graze his nipple, and he shudders.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Mmhmm. Sometimes I’d touch myself and picture you.”

 

He’s sliding her dress up over her hips now, her tan thighs exposed to him. “If you keep saying things like that, I’m not going to last long.” He places a kiss on the expanse of flesh he just uncovered.

 

Her hips cant toward him lightly. “Stars, Ben. Is this what it’s always going to feel like?”

 

He drags her dress higher and kisses her belly button. “Believe it or not, I think it gets better.”

 

Sitting up for him, she lifts her arms so he can finish removing the dress. Her breast band comes next, the unraveling of it just as sensual as he had imagined. When she is bare before him, he can’t resist, taking one of her dusty peaks into his mouth. She moans as he brings his hand to her other breast, using his fingers to stimulate the rosy bud. He then laves his way downward before looking up for her approval.

 

Rey nods and he fingers the waistband of her underwear, peeling them down and off in a torturously slow fashion. “Your pants, Ben.”

 

“Patience, darling. We’ve got all night.” He’s been doing some reading after their first awkward encounter, and there’s something he wants to try. He kisses his way up her leg, eliciting another moan as he puts his mouth on the juncture of her hip and torso. She spreads her legs for him instinctively and he noses the thatch of hair above her mound. “I’d like to taste you, if that’s okay.”

 

“Yes,” she grunts even as confusion ripples through their bond. She knew the mechanics of sex, but not this. This was something else. A cry leaves her body as he licks a stripe up her slit. He parts her folds with his fingers, finding her damp with arousal. He smirks before going back in, tongue exploring the most delicate parts of her. When he finds the sensitive nub above her opening, he pays it special attention until she is keening beneath him. When he gives a gentle suck, she comes apart with a scream, tremors pulsing through her tender muscles. The wave of pleasure rolling off her is so strong that he has to throw up his mental block briefly, lest he come before he ever gets to be inside of her. “Get back up here,” she orders.

 

He obliges and she kisses him silly, her taste still on his tongue. When she lets him breathe, he asks, “So that was fine?”

 

“Ben, that was incredible. I want you to do that all the time. Now take your pants off.” She chuckles as she reaches for the zipper to help. He shimmies out of the pants as quickly as he can, discarding his underwear as well. The look in her eyes when she sees him fully revealed to her stirs his insides. It is a mixture of surprise, lust, and apprehension. 

 

He hovers over her again, kissing her gently. “We’ll take this easy. Please let me know if I do anything you don’t like.” She nods as he runs his shaft up and down her folds several times, before slowly pushing inside. He groans low in his throat. “Rey, you’re so tight.”

 

Panic blooms between them. “Is that bad?” she asks. 

 

“No, no. It feels amazing. I’m just afraid of hurting you.” Her hand comes up to caress his face and he senses her pleasure.

 

“It doesn’t hurt. A little bit uncomfortable maybe, but in a good way. Don’t stop, Ben. Please.”

 

He continues to ease himself in until he’s fully inside of her. She weaves her fingers through his hair, and he hears her thoughts.  _ Yes, yes. More. _ Then he starts to move and it’s transcendent. Flashes of past, present, and future sweep across the bond as he thrusts into her. Visions of them together, apart, with a dark haired child running through the grass. A tear rolls down his cheek and falls onto her collarbone.

 

It’s the closest they’ve ever been and still he can feel the need for more. Rey reaches up to pull him back down and claim his mouth. They groan and pant into each other, kissing in between as the delicious tingle creeps up both their spines. He can’t hold on anymore and he crashes over the edge, saying her name over and over as he comes. They both feel it, and he knows she isn’t left hanging when he feels her clenching around him, drawing more of his spend out into her. After, he draws her close to his chest, burying his head in her neck and pressing little kisses to her there. 

 

“I love you,” she says, grabbing for his hand and interlocking their fingers across her abdomen.

 

His breath tickles the nape of her neck. “I know.”

 

* * *

 

Nothing has ever been casual with Leia Organa. Their dinner is no exception. She has them over to her apartment, larger and more opulent than the one Ben and Rey share. Droids amble about making preparations and the long table is decorated gorgeously. He’s sure he saw Threepio wandering around earlier, but Ben doesn’t bother looking for him now. That droid has always gotten on his nerves.

 

His mother and Rey chat amiably as their first course is laid out before them. He watches the mirth in both women’s eyes and feels perfectly content. The feeling is so strange after so many years of torment and despair. He tries to relish it and not invent new problems to worry about. The future is vast and spread out before them. He and Rey can go anywhere, do anything they want. Secretly, he’d like nothing more than to stay here, settle down, maybe one day have a few children. 

 

Rey is laughing uproariously at something Leia has just said and she throws her head back. “Is that a hickey?!” His mother can be so blunt.

 

“Mo-om,” he pleads, the tips of his ears getting hot with embarrassment. Rey flushes, too, but then they are all laughing again. He knows it won’t be long before Leia starts bringing up the subject of grandchildren. In days past, he may have thrown a tantrum about her meddling or yelled at her for her overbearing attitude. But now? It’s so nice to be in a room with the two people he loves most, smiling and getting along. It feels like home.


End file.
